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Allright, enough already! HERE'S THE
UPDATE! STOP YELLING AT STABBY!
Not that Stabby T.
Clown enjoys wearing pink panties, but for comfort and freedom from
thigh-chafing, a good pair of lacey undies can't
be beat. And there's nothing more disturbing to see, in the Real
World or Virtual, than a psychotic male clown in women's dainties.
Shame on you, ladies, for hiding this comfort secret for so, so long.
Stabby has a
confession to make: he's been a lazy, SLACKER Evil Psychotic Assassin
Clown. Stabby realizes he hasn't updated the Weblog O' Evil in quite a
long time, and for that sin, Stabby T. Clown humbly apologizes to all
Supervillains, everywhere. No apologies to Superheroes, of course,
since all Superheroes are, of course, weenies.
That being
said, CHECK OUT MAH HOT PINK MAN-PANTIES! Oh, yeah, BAB-BEY! STABBY'S
GOT BACK! Er, okay, Stabby knows the above picture is basically
wrong on all levels, from inappropriate to outright public
indecency. And not exactly the best way to show that a certain
psychotic evil clown is genuinely penitent for not updating his damn'd
website for awhile. But, still... Stabby is Evil, and
there's nothing more Evil than running around the Arachnos
stomping grounds while Supervillains physically grab their eyeballs
and scream, "OH GOD NO, STABBY! WRONG BAD EVIL WRONG BAD NO!" Ah,
yes... Fear Stabby's Sheer Satin Pink Man-Panties of Horror &
Nausea!
Stabby admits
this particular new, uh, "Fashion" that is sweeping all over City of
Villains & Heroes, is not his original idea. For bringing Pink
Man-Panties into the game, we have to thank Tazz, leader of World Wide
Evil, Inc:
Well
Tazz can't dance, and Stabby can't sing, but we can sure make people
regurgitate everything... that's a lyric from a Genesis song, I
think...
Stabby
promises you that if it is attention you crave for you or your SG,
just dress the male toons in Pink Man Panties and pull a chorus line
at Mercy Isle or otherwise populated area. Not so much inviting public
ridicule as it is forcing CoV/H Players into the realization they're
paying ten bucks plus a month in account fees just to be emotionally
traumatized by burly men dancing in sheer lace dainties barely
containing disturbing virtual bulges.
Firm,
rounded muscular clown buttocks. Sorry, scrubbing your eyes until they
fall into your skull can't help you now. Bahahaha! Lordy,
Stabby better stay out of the PvP zones for awhile, especially in his
Pink Man-Panties... they'd have to rename the game to "City of
Everyone Ganking Stabby Until He Goes To The Tailor".
Oddly enough,
most of the audience you'll attract while wearing Pink Man Panties
will be female... because all the male Villains 'n Heroes will be
fleeing in the exact opposite direction, or insulting you, or both.
Women think us men perverted, but it's not ME watching a dancing clown
in pink panties now, is it, ladies? Yeesh...
Stabby has a
dream, and that's Pink Man Panty Day. On that day, male Villains and
Heroes everywhere, on every server, will wear sheer pink lacy
unmentionables and dance, dance, dance. Only by doing this act can we
disturb, upset, and annoy NCSoft Developers and GM's all over the
planet (and, with some luck, lead developer Jack Emmert will be
showing the game to stockholders on that day...)
Let's pick
November 7th as International Man Panty Day. Why? Why not.
Right, enough
of this certain madness. Stabby will let you grab a shower to feel
clean again...
Done? Used
enough bleach? What, a rotary sander? Well... okay then.
Just to prove
that Stabby is ALL-MAN, here's a sampling of the most common type of
screenshot this women-loving clown takes:
Mmmm-mmm-MMMM! Just
call me SPANKY T. CLOWN! What's that, NCSoft Developers? I'm
dangerously close to losing my "PG" rating? Hey, C'MON, YOU CREATED
THESE VIRTUAL BUTTOCKS! Mmmm...so round, so soft... okay, Stabby needs
to get out more...
It is certain
praise indeed for game developers when a player will stop in the
middle of a mission just to stand behind a scantily-clad female NPC
and stare at her gluteus maximii. Lord help all us Male CoV/H players
if the /grope emote is put into the game, because then we'd never get
past level one.
Sweet babbling Mother of
God. Stabby Needs A Girlfriend... NCSOFT Developers, WHY DO YOU
TORMENT THIS LONELY CLOWN?!?!
See what I mean? Dancing female
Night Elves on tavern tables in "World of Warcraft" got NOTHING on our
bikini-clad, jumping-up-and-down female players and NPC's. NCSoft
should put something like the above graphic on future City of
Heroes/Villains game packages, instead of Statesman... then we'd see
some real sales...
Speaking of
Statesman:
Stabby
didn't expect to see this idjit pop out of nowhere... damn Statesman
and his shiny cape and boots.. and helmet.... you'll rue the day you
ever tangled with Stabby, StatesWeinee! RUE! RUE! RUEEEEE!!!!!
Talk about
Stabby Luck, which is invariably bad: the very first time Stabby tries
out the new 'Recluse's Victory' zone, he attracts the attention of the
Head Weinee himself, Statesmanananananan.
Stabby will
spare you the pictures of what happened after he playfully Assassin
Strike'd Statesman; Stabby will just use two words, and those words
are, "Clown Paste."
Dammit.
But, mark these
Super Villain's Words o' Mighty Prophecy: Stabby T. Clown is still
growing in Evil Power, and one day Stabby will destroy Statesmananan
(...anananan) ONCE AND FOR ALL, and become Overlord Clown of all the
lands! And then Stabby will become so powerful he can PK anybody he
wants to, at any time! Even GM's will fall to Stabby's Stab o'
Hate-Love! STABBY T. CLOWN WILL RULE THE WORLD! YESYESYES!
Yet still
things don't go strictly to Stabby's Evil Plan For Planetary
Domination:
Now
we're talking a Zen way to die: don't just fall to the floor, become
ONE with the floor.
Oh, the PAIN.
Send Stabby YOUR best 'n funniest Death Screenshots and they'll be
posted in a future update (which will be soon, promise, and
this is a real promise since Stabby is sick of people YELLING
at him all the time to, quote, "update already!!!111") Email ol' Stabs
at stabbytclown(at)gmail.com. Spammers will be stabbed, slowly, and
repeatedly.
Enough of Death and
Clown Paste. Let's have us some artistic beauty:
Is
this screenshot really appropriate? Are you even reading this???
Just a screenshot of one of my team-mates, who Stabby really shouldn't
name because she hasn't asked permission. But when my team-mate
complains, Stabby will let get a screenshot of THAT and then provide a
name, phone number, and marital status of my above exhibitionist
friend. YEEE-HAW!!!
Semi-seriously,
though: often in City of Villains, Stabby will stop during a mission
and admire the gorgeous scenery:
Now
that's one nice looking place to live. There was a "For Sale" sign on
the front lawn, but everytime Stabby T. Clown moves into a
neighborhood, everybody moves AWAY!
Kudos to the
imaginative Developers at NCSoft! And Stabby's not just saying that in
the hopes of finally getting his unique "Throw Pie" power, so he can
throw delicious baked goods at players. Stabby simply wishes all the
best for each and every Developer and power-granting GM at NCSoft, all
of whom are obviously intelligent, good-looking, and generous to a
fault.
Please. If
you're a Developer...
Pie Power...for
Stabby...
Please....
PLEASSEEEE.....
IF YOU ONLY
KNEW HOW MUCH STABBY NEEDS THE POWER TO THROW PIES AT ANYTHING MOVING,
PLAYERS & MONSTERS ALIKE, IN THE GAME... IF YOU ONLY KNEEEWWWWWWW....
GRANT STABBY
THROW PIE POWER ohpleasepleaseplease
PLEASE
PLEEEASSSSEEEEEEEEE DEVELOPERS STABBY
LOVVVEESSSS YOUUUUU OH BY THE BLESSED STEELY BICEPS OF LORD EMMERT
GRANT STABBY PIE POWER PLEEEASSSEEEEE!!!!!111111
...
OkayokayStabbyisokaygivemeamoment...
...
Right! Enough
grovelling! (sorry for troubling
you oh mighty Developers/GMs oh God dont hurt me pie power please okay
Stabby go way now please need pie please okay okay yes).
Let's end this Blog
Entry o' Evil with a cool picture of a floating carnivorous eyeball,
shall we? A bit of a non-sequitur, yes, but hey, hovering visual
organs that can bite off your head a la a fat kid chomping off an
Easter Bunny's head is down-right cool:
Remember that song by The
Police from the 1980's? "Every breath you take... every move you
make... I'll be watching you." And if you're a giant eyeball with jaws
for a cornea, I guess nobody will complain about you watching 'em,
anyways. What's that? "Sting" is phoning his lawyers? Aw, nuts.
And
while Stabby just doesn't "get" the physics of flying eyeballs,
there you go. 'Till next time, this is Stabby T. Clown saying
"Stabby! Stabby!". Here's hoping this Evil Clown sees you in a PvP
zone soon... first.... ;)
When the /kneel emote is
grossly inappropriate, everybody loses... except Stabby, who just
stabbed you.
It's so goooood to be back... and
stabbin'!
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