(Note: everything written in the following section is the personal opinion of Stabby T. Clown and is not meant to personally insult the people who play any avatar pictured below. The following is parody; cruel, heartless parody, but parody nonetheless).

     Stabby's probably gonna get in trouble for creating this gallery. But Stabby Don't Care.

     As you know, Faithful Stabby Readers, this clown DETESTS stupidly named Super Villains. Be it non-creativity, copyright infringement, or outright moronic thinking, a poor choice for an evil sobriquet with always be met with Stabby T. Clown's scorn, teasing, and HATRED.

     Remember! It is YOUR duty to report stupidly-named Villains to stabbytclown@gmail.com with prompt screenshot captures and emails! Only by doing so can we, the Creatively Named Villains, stem the tide of Stupidly Named Villains flooding our servers on a daily basis!

But enough of Stabby's preaching. Let's go to the screenshots of rampant character assassination!

January 10/2006

Commander Dax to the copyright infringement brig, please.

     If you're a Faithful Reader of Stabby T. Clown's Weblog Of Evil, you're familiar with this slob. I'm honoring Commander Dax with the first post in the Stupid Villain Names Department, as he is a perfect example of EVERYTHING WRONG in creating an original, evil name. I have a feeling ol' Daxy's been demoted from Commander to Generic by now.

"Hubba Hubba" always works like magic in the single clown bars...

     Their names may be a bit hard to see because I had to shrink the graphic, but say a big hello to Evil Cheerleader and Suzie Screamer, two babes with attitude. Normally I wouldn't call attention to their admittedly only semi-stupid names, but I'm posting their pics here out of spite because I tried to chat these two hotties up and they wouldn't give me the time of day:

"Do not fear me..." usually works on the ladies.

"For I am a friendly clown". Unless you're a hero. Then I am a stabby clown...Stabby T. Clown, in fact.

Gee, talk about making a clown feel good about himself.

Stabby T. Clown DOES have feelings: excitement before a stabbing, happiness after a stabbing, regretful after not stabbing...

Dammit, say something! You're hurting Stabby's feelings! I should start flirting in the PvP zones, at least I can stab Villainesses who turn me down.

Stabby T. Clown is hurt, hurt, hurt. A hurtin' clown. The tears of a clown, the tears of a clown...

     You see the kind of disrespect that is oft afforded to me, Stabby T. Clown? Simply disgusting. Outrageous. Intolerable. So that's why I'm only doing what every other spurned male does when turned down by a woman: I post their pictures on the Internet and say nasty things about 'em. So take that, Evil Cheerleader and Suzie Screamer! Your choice of names is craptastic, and you SHOULD have taken me up on my offer of a Taco Bell lunch. I had a two-for-one coupon too, ya know.

      Here's a stunning example of copyright infringement:

Stan Lee would be spinning in his grave, if he was dead. 'Nuff said!

     You really gotta wonder what this guy was thinking during character creation. It was probably along the lines of, "Gee! I'll be The Hulk! Yeah! And the Dev's won't notice and Generic my name so fast my head'll be spinning faster than Linda Blair's noggin in "The Exorcist" played back at 16x speed. Ayup." I really think the Developers of City of Villains should be legally allowed, nay, required, to physically hunt down and shoot people in the head who make characters like the one above. But that's just my humble opinion.

I didn't even know I had a picture of this fellow until I spotted him in the background of a screenshot. "Captain Lamprey", indeed.

     Imagine you're a Super Hero. Horrible thought, yes, but humor Stabby for a little while. You're a Super Hero, and you're given an assignment to defeat a Super Villain. Great! That's what you do, defeat bad guys and all that. You're looking so forward to challenging the Dark Forces of Evil on the field of battle, and that's when you learn...

     ...the Super Villain you have to defeat is called "Captain Lamprey". Kinda takes the wind out of your sails, don't it? Speaking plainly, you're screwed either way: no one will respect you for defeating a hero with such a dumb name, and if you lose the fight, every Super Villain in existence will say to you, "Hey, you're that idiot who got killed by Captain Lamprey! Ha! Ha! Ha! I mock you!" Not a pretty sight, friends, not a pretty sight...

     And in closing:

Notice how this lackwit spells the word, "sergeant". Well, they don't call him "Grammar Boy".

     I said it before, I'll say it again. SIGH.

|